The Truth
by dowhatyoumust
Summary: Set in the weeks after Johnny's accident, only Johnny didn't die and Marissa still doesn't know hows he feels... will she end up with Ryan or Johnny..?
1. Thoughts are more revealing than words

**The Truth**

This is set in the weeks after Johnny's accident, only he didn't die.

Marissa's POV

Marissa stood on the pier watching out onto the ocean, so much had happened recently, she still couldn't quite get her head around it. Johnny's accident, well more the cause of Johnny's accident had caused a huge rift between her and Ryan. He had started to avoid her. If only she could just get him on his own, to try and explain everything to him.

It wasn't as if she loved Johnny, well that was what she kept telling herself. Marissa hadn't been able to visit him yet; she just didn't know what to say to him. He had almost died because of her.

This was becoming a bad trend with the boys she knew. While he had been in a coma Marissa had gone everyday to see him, for three weeks she hadn't been able to sleep or do pretty much anything. He was always on her mind.

But when the hospital had called to say he had woken up and everything was going to be alright, she hadn't been able to forgive herself enough to face him awake because she thought if she hadn't written that letter, he would never have gotten drunk and fallen.

It was all her fault, why did she always mess everything up.

Looking around, Marissa realised a lot more time had passed than she thought. She pushed herself away fro the railing and started to make her way back down the pier.

Just as she reached her car her phone rang, glancing at it she started to put it away but then the name on the screen caught her attention. Johnny's, he was calling her. God what should she do, afraid to pick it up she stared at the screen until it stopped ringing. Marissa exhaled suddenly having not realised she had stopped breathing.

If he could affect her like this with one phone call Marissa knew she was in denial about how she truly felt but would Johnny feel the same way especially after all she had done to him.

When she arrived home, the trailer was empty. It had felt really empty ever since Caitlin had gone back to school and her mom had almost practically disappeared off the face of the planet.

Marissa wondered over to her dresser and thumbed through her drawers until she found the necklace, the one Johnny had had made for her by his cousin Sadie. He didn't know she had it yet though. Sadie had given it to her when she had come down to visit Johnny in the hospital.

It was beautiful; she loved it more than anything and the fact that he had had it made for her made her love it even more. More and more she found herself searching for it, it gave her a calm and serene feeling.

It connected her and Johnny in a way she loved but hated because she was supposed to love Ryan right? Her boyfriend but he had been so distant lately. She had begun to wonder not if it was going to end but when.

After staring at the necklace for seemed like hours but could've been minutes, she made a decision. She and Ryan were over. She thought about Ryan and everything that had happened to them since he had come to live in Newport, how much he had changed their lives and still was. Marissa had always been bad at change but this time it felt right.

Her thoughts then drifted back to Johnny, as they always did these days and once again she wondered would she ever find the courage to go and see him and see how he felt about her now?

Johnny's POV

Johnny looked up at the door for the millionth time that hour, hoping she'd come. He just wanted to see her face, the one person that could make this all better again.

Johnny had been told that she had been there by his bedside everyday while he had been unconscious but now he was awake she was nowhere and what confused him the most was why she had come, she had chosen Ryan after all not him.

He felt so messed up especially after everything that had happened. Nobody understood what had happened except him and he knew Marissa knew too. There was a connection between them, he knew it.

The letter it had been such a shock to him, she didn't want him, at the time life hadn't felt like it was worth living. She had made him feel like nothing else mattered and when she had shattered his hopes he had not taken it so well.

Caitlin had been the one other girl he could talk to, she understood even if she was Marissa's sister. So stupidly he had driven to see her with some thought of talking and if it hurt Marissa in the process, he wasn't going to complain.

The accident was still a blur to him and he couldn't really remember much at all of that night except those words on the page that she had written. How could she have chosen Ryan over him?

Someone arrived at his door; he looked up slowly hoping it would be her but he saw that it was just Chilli and felt his heart rip out of his chest once again. He told himself he had to stop doing this or he'd never be able to move on with his life.

Chilli had been a good friend. Everyday Johnny had asked him of news of Marissa and everyday Chilli told him to give her time. The same old ritual. After Chilli had gone Johnny was left on his own again.

The doctors had told him he could go home tomorrow but he wouldn't be able to surf for weeks, life was not looking good. He felt broken inside with nothing left to cling onto because that was what Marissa had been to him, his life raft and now she gone away.

Tears gently rolled down his cheeks, this time after visiting hours was when he felt most alone and sometimes he wished he had died that night because life without Marissa was not worth living.

A strange memory broke into Johnny's thoughts of the first time he had met Marissa, she had been at the time trying to break into his locker. He remembered how beautiful she had looked and how apologetic she had been. He had always loved that about her that she cared and was not to proud to apologise for her mistakes.

Sure she had problems but everyone did including him. He had told her things he had never told anyone before not even his girlfriend; it had just felt so natural with Marissa.

They connected. Johnny wondered again as he always did, did Marissa ever feel the connection or did she truly mean what she had said in the letter?


	2. Ryan won't let go

**Chpt 2**

**Ryan POV **

Marissa was being so weird lately he just didn't know what she was thinking anymore, hell had he ever.

Ever since Johnny's accident it was like they couldn't talk about anything that didn't revolve around Johnny. She was always saying things like will Johnny like this or do you think Johnny would want me to…?

Never ending. Seth told Ryan that he was probably just over reacting. Seth told him he had to try and understand, no matter how Johnny had felt; he was still one of Marissa's best friends and he had nearly died. Best friends? So what was Ryan to her? Didn't Marissa pick him?

Ryan felt like Marissa had been lying to herself that night and was still doing it even now but he wasn't prepared to let her go yet. Ever since Ryan had got to Newport, Marissa had always been there but now there was this massive gulf between them, so much that Ryan couldn't bear to see her pine over Johnny because he knew that was why she had acted so strangely.

She had been at the hospital by his bedside everyday but then as soon as he woke up she had stopped going, what else could that have meant?

I love her, he thought, doesn't she love me anymore?

Ryan thought that she blamed him for not catching Johnny when he fell. He remembered reaching out for Johnny's hand and trying so hard to grab onto anything but their fingers had just brushed past each others.

He had been too late; Johnny's body had just lain there, unmoving. Ryan thought Johnny had been dead. For a few moments he could've sworn that Johnny had looked just like Trey.

Ryan has thought his heart had stopped beating but his vision had cleared and he had remembered it was Johnny lying down there not Trey. Sometimes looking back Ryan thought he remembered thinking if Johnny's dead, Marissa will love me now.

He didn't know whether he had thought that but it still didn't change the fact that things were not right between him and Marissa. He had to do something, so she wouldn't leave him; he had never loved anyone as much as he loved Marissa.

He wasn't about to let her go without a fight. Not this time.


	3. Avoidance of eyes is normally a bad sign

**Chpt 3**

Dashing out of the trailer, Marissa sighed she was going to be late again. Her teachers had given her a little bit lee way since Johnny's accident but now that he was better, she wasn't getting off so easily.

Ten minutes later and a quick stop for coffee, she made it just in time for class with only a few moments to spare.

Unfortunately the only seat left was next to Ryan. Not that she minded sitting next to him, it was just so awkward. He had called her a few times but the conversations had petered out after a while and they had both been left with nothing to say to one another.

The void she had thought that was between them before was just getting wider and wider, with college just around the corner Marissa had begun to look to the future.

Her past with Ryan was just too complicated too deal with for the moment. Johnny had been trying to ring her but every time she decided to finally pick up, she chickened out at the last moment.

He was important to her but she wasn't prepared to face him yet not when she didn't know how she felt about him. Did she love him as a friend or more?

She slid into the chair next to Ryan, whose face showed a mixture of expression. Marissa couldn't decide whether he was annoyed or pleased to see her.

However the rest of her day ran smoothly and Marissa even managed to avoid Ryan but she couldn't be sure he was doing the exact same thing.

Arriving home, Marissa pushed open the door to find Johnny sitting on her couch in her trailer. Marissa did not know where to look or what to do.

He was here in her home. What was going on? 'Hey' he said. Marissa looked everywhere but at him. Then in three steps he strode towards her and simply hugged her.

All the confusion Marissa had had just seemed to disappear, here he was her Johnny and he was hugging her. Falling into the hug Marissa realised just how much she had missed him but in the back of her mind Marissa started to feel like she didn't need anything more from him.

But why then had she missed him so much? In amidst her turmoil, Marissa had almost forgotten Johnny was even there. So when Johnny suddenly took a step back, she found herself following gravity to the floor and lying in a crumpled heap.

Johnny immediately helped her to her feet but he avoided eye contact with her. What was wrong with him?

Marissa stated this last thought out loud and to her surprise he answered immediately,

'Marissa I know you don't love me and that's what got us into this situation in the first place. But I wanted you to know that I still love you. I've been stuck in hospital with all this time on my hands and I decided when I saw you the first thing I would say to you was that I love you and I won't give up but now I'm here standing in front of you and all I can say is that I don't think we should see each other anymore. Let's face it you belong with Ryan, you were never supposed to be with me. Even if what we… I mean I felt was real, it couldn't last because you know as well as I do that you could never truly forget Ryan and I could never forget how much you loved him or still do. So you see Marissa, I do love you but I can't ever see you again because it's just too hard. I'm sorry Marissa for everything I've put you through. Goodbye.'

And with that he ran out of her trailer and her life for what she feared to be the last time because as Johnny had been saying those things, her heart had started to ache and when he said goodbye it had seemed to break.


	4. Johnny's decision

**Chpt 4**

Johnny ran all the way from Marissa's down to the beach, the one place he felt at peace.

Johnny didn't know what had come over him, he had gone to see her and explain everything but when she had gotten home, she had avoided his eyes.

She didn't want him there and he had felt so stupid. How could he have been so blind, she hadn't come to the hospital because she felt anything for him but because she had felt guilty about the accident.

What an idiot.

He had stilled hugged her though, he couldn't not. If this was the last time he was going to see her, he wanted to remember how she felt next to him once last time. He loved her and she didn't love him back, it was that simple at least it had been at the time.

After his big speech he had turned to run but in the last moment he had caught a glimpse of her face, sadness. He had thought she would be relieved not sad, he was saving her from having to tell him that she loved Ryan not him. So why would she be sad?

Johnny sat down on the beach and it occurred to him the last time he had been at the beach, he had had the accident.

This time he was alone, no Caitlin to confuse him, no Ryan to show the world how great he was and no Marissa to choose Ryan instead of him. Looking out at the waves Johnny was reminded of his love for surfing, how peaceful it was yet at the same time scary as hell, he loved the thrill. He needed to get back out there, maybe get on the tour next year.

To hell with Marissa, he wasn't going to fall apart like last time. This time, he was going to make it without her.


	5. Intermission your opinions

Hey thanks for reading so far

I keep forgetting to add this on the top so I'm writing it here

Could you tell what you think of the story and more importantly the writing

Thanks

If you like it I'll carry on….


	6. The revelations that tear us apart

**Chpt 5**

Ryan pov

Ryan hadn't seen Marissa all weekend. It looked liked she was still avoiding him. How could he make her see they were supposed to be together if she was nowhere to be found?

Ryan had never been so caught up about a girl before, sure there had been other girls but no one came close to Marissa. She had made him feel worth something when the world had seemed to have been against him.

He hadn't been lucky growing up, coming from a rough family and an even rougher neighbourhood but his luck had changed the day he had met Sandy Cohen. He had welcomed him into his life and indirectly to Marissa. So to lose Marissa like this was just something Ryan wasn't going to let happen, he wasn't going to lose her to Johnny.

At school on Monday, Ryan waited for Marissa by her locker, positive she would have to drop off some books and then at least she couldn't avoid him. To his surprise she didn't show at her locker or all day.

By the end of school, Ryan had convinced himself the worst had happened. So he drove straight over to Marissa's. At Marissa's Ryan noticed a truck outside, staring at it for a few seconds he realised with dread that his worst fears had become true because the truck was Johnny's. Marissa had chosen Johnny over him.

He turned to open the door of his car not wanting to see Marissa and Johnny together but at the same moment the front door of the trailer opened and out walked Johnny with Marissa in tow. She had been crying. Ryan didn't usually voice his emotions out loud, in fact he never did but at that second seeing them together, he let out a small sob. Ryan quickly composed himself and proceeded to get in the car ignoring Marissa's shouts telling him to stay.

He backed out of the drive with indifference creeping into his heart. After all they had been through; she hadn't chosen him and didn't even have the guts to tell him to his face before she went back to Johnny.

So to Ryan, Marissa no longer existed.


	7. Unhelpful confessions

Marissa's POV

Marissa heard the gasp and stared silently, with the tears pouring down her face, at Ryan as he backed out of the drive.

He didn't look at her once. God what a mess this all was.

Marissa had skipped the day off school. After Johnny's pronouncement about her feelings, she had felt messed up inside and seeing Ryan wasn't going to help. So she had stayed at home and aimlessly flicked through the channels on T.V until it had occurred to her Johnny was the one she needed to speak too.

He was the reason that all this had happened and last time she hadn't had the chance to tell Johnny what she had to say.

Dialling his number had felt strange, as if the action had belonged to another life and a different Marissa. The phone rang a few times before Johnny picked up which gave Marissa a few moments to compose herself.

'Hey Johnny, its Marissa. Please don't say anything else. I need to speak to you, so will you come over? I have stuff I need to tell you…..'

Marissa had heard Johnny's breath down the phone, it had been deep and the breaths had come short, as if he was struggling to get himself together.

'Johnny are you there? Will you come over please?'

Marissa had only just heard the one word answer, 'Yes'.

Johnny had come around lunchtime, as he hadn't stated a time Marissa had just waited for him with her mind lost in thought. She had wondered about what would happen when he finally got there.

The Johnny and Marissa story had so full on before the accident, one drama after the next, so much so that she had never really gotten the chance to stop and take a moment to think about it all and figure out what she wanted.

The time Johnny had been in hospital should've been the perfect chance but somehow she had been too caught up in Johnny once again that she hadn't left any time for herself.

So once Johnny woke up, Marissa thoughts had finally found their way the way she felt about Ryan and how she now felt about Johnny.

Then Johnny had come to her and said all those things and had never let her say a word. It was time he listened to her.

It wasn't fair that he had been making decisions for her and telling her how she felt.

One thing Marissa did not like was to be controlled, not by her mother, not by Ryan and she was certainly not going to be controlled by Johnny, even if he thought it was for the best.

'Marissa, you there?'

Marissa had heard his voice before she saw him and it had sent shivers down her spine. Exactly the way Ryan's voice used to do. Yeah I'm here, Marissa had replied keeping her cool but inside she had felt a burning sensation that filled her up to her very core. Marissa prepared herself and opened the door.

There Johnny had stood, almost back to his old self, changed only by the small scar on his left temple. When he had walked in, Marissa had noticed a change about him; it hadn't been a physical change more of a change in his presence. Johnny had seemed to have figured out something within him.

Marissa had been rendered speechless for a few moments because of the change. Johnny had been so lost when she last seen him and now it was as if he was a completely new Johnny. She had suddenly become afraid that this new Johnny no longer needed her.

'Marissa why am I here? I thought I told you…'

She had cut in at that point, determined to have her say.

'Johnny you have to listen to me, it's not fair that you never listen to what I have to say. For once can it be about how I feel and not how you think I feel. Okay?'

When he didn't answer Marissa had taken that as her queue to carry on.

'When I first met you, you were a godsend, because of what had happened with Trey. Ryan had become distant and Summer wasn't much help. You were the first person to make me feel really welcome at school and you were the first person I could talk to. The only person that understood me, how I felt. As the weeks went by, Ryan and I grew apart. The separate schools and with Trey still creating a major void between us. Ryan would never talk about Trey but you would, you listen to me and in return I listened to you. I became to depend upon your friendship like it was everything…'

Marissa had faltered at seeing Johnny's face drop slightly but she had ignored it, she needed to say this now or she never would

'And it was. But I forgot, I forgot about everyone else especially Ryan. I caused him pain because I couldn't let you go yet I couldn't let him go either. Do you see I was trying to make a decision, even from the beginning it was always going to have to be a choice between you and Ryan. I couldn't have both however much I wanted it. The reason I wrote that letter to you was because I afraid of losing Ryan from my life but after I realised that it was you that I should have been more afraid of losing. When I saw you on those cliffs, I stopped. Everything in me was caught up in you. I prayed that you would be safe, so you could forgive me for my mistakes. I don't know if Sadie told you but she gave me the necklace you had made for me. It was so beautiful. After the accident I came to the hospital everyday so I could speak to you and thank you for it and to tell you how much I loved it and….'

Marissa stuttered for a few moments, had she really wanted to confess all to him. She started again promising herself to just be true to herself.

'I'm sorry I didn't visit you when you woke up. I was afraid. I was…..was afraid that you had stopped loving me and you wouldn't forgive me. You see Johnny, what I'm trying to tell you is that ……..I….. Love …….you.'

Marissa had stumbled onto silence the second she said those words aloud. God what had she done. The tears had begun to slide gently out of the corners of her eyes by this point. She looked up into Johnny's eyes and prepared herself for the anger but all she found was her Johnny. Johnny had then clasped his arms around her and had held her tight. Marissa remembered in that moment she had never felt so safe in her entire life.

Then he shattered everything. 'Marissa, I love you too. I'm leaving tomorrow.'

'Why?' The only word that could or would escape Marissa's lips.

'Because you are everything to me and that can't work. I have to find me before I can be with you. I'm leaving to join the surf tour, as a roadie but I'll be able to train and maybe I'll get back on the tour next year. I need to do this for me, please understand. I love you Marissa. Goodbye'

Johnny had then walked out of her trailer, again saying the words that had been spoken once before but this time he would not becoming back.

She had followed him out of the trailer with the tears still escaping.

Marissa had then heard the gasp and had stared silently at Ryan as he had backed out of the drive.

Ryan didn't look at her once.


	8. Moving on

**Johnny's POV**

Marissa loved him….. What universe had he accidentally just stepped into. He could've sworn this morning that she had called him to say goodbye.

He had had it all figured out she would tell him she had chosen Ryan again but this time Johnny would have been alright with it, as he was leaving with the surf tour. But then she had dropped the biggest bombshell of them all, she loved him, she Marissa had finally chosen him Johnny over Ryan.

It felt like the world was playing a huge joke upon him and any minute he would wake up and find himself in the life that existed, where he had never met Marissa Cooper and all the pain he had felt because of her had never happened.

Johnny started to double guess his decision to leave, she had finally admitted she loved him and he had told her he was going away.

Was he doing the right thing? Did his reasons even make sense? Johnny had to speak to someone and the only one he knew that would talk straight to him was his cousin Sadie.

Pulling over, He grabbed his phone and started to dial her number but his phone started to ring with an incoming call, it was Ryan.

Why on earth is he ringing me???? Johnny thought.

'Hello'

'Listen here Johnny, I know you too have been seeing each other behind my back, so lets just get this straight I don't want to speak to you ever again, you got it. You won.'

Johnny didn't know how to respond but just as he heard Ryan go to hang up he managed to let out

'Ryan, I'm leaving. Marissa and I aren't together'.

'What? Your telling me she doesn't love you?'

'No, she does love me but I think she loves you too, if that makes sense. I need to leave, so if you want to you can try and make it work with her and I won't be in the way. I'm sorry how this worked out for everyone, goodbye Ryan.'

Johnny snapped the phone shut, fine it was settled, Marissa would get back with Ryan and he would be free to move on with his life, free of the one girl he had ever truly loved.


	9. final moments

Marissa's POV

Marissa was finding it very hard to accept Johnny's decision. The strangest feeling had come over her, she loved him and he loved her, of all the injustices in the world that they couldn't be together, she began to feel furious. It wasn't that she hadn't loved Ryan, she had and she thought she always would but Johnny was everything to her, Marissa knew she couldn't be happy here without him. She wasn't stupid, Marissa knew love didn't last for ever but she'd been through enough to know that when you found it you should grab it and keep hold of it for as long as possible.

All Marissa wanted to do was to run after Johnny and follow him wherever he went but she had other people to think about as well. Her family, Summer and of course Ryan meant so much to her could she really give it all up for love. It was so confusing, why have so many feelings if some of them got lost on the way. Marissa hated feeling this way; always trapped, always lost, for once she wanted to be free and forever.

Grabbing her keys and bag, Marissa dashed out, she thought to herself, if he's leaving me then I want to say goodbye properly, so he'll never forget me. Knocking on his door, she started to tap her foot, why did he always take forever to answer the damn door. Finally footsteps up to the door, as it swung open Marissa could see Johnny's shocked face, she loved surprising him. Marissa beamed, now that's how it's supposed to feel she thought, with her heart beating faster than ever.

'What are you doing here Marissa?' Johnny exclaimed.

'I know your leaving and I understand and accept why your doing it but you didn't really think I'd let you go without saying goodbye properly. No dramatics this time just two people who love each other saying goodbye.' Marissa rushed out in one breath.

Tentatively she took a step towards him, for one frightful second she thought he was going to ask her to leave but instead he opened his arms for her for one last final time. Marissa took a few moments just to breathe him in, his smell, the way he held on to and how much she loved him. She tilted her head to look into his eyes, she knew what she wanted to do but she wasn't sure if he felt the same. Marissa didn't want to make it harder for him but she couldn't help herself, she wanted him. Looking into his eyes Marissa got lost, here was the one person in the world that could make her feel this safe and alive at the same time. Slowly she extended her neck toward him and closed her eyes. A few moments passed and then she felt the softest brush of lips against hers. Then they were full of passion and hers was too. She kissed him as if the world was going to end if they stopped, nothing else mattered. The world existed solely for them two. She would remember it forever.

Later that day Marissa thought to herself that she knew she would never be happier than she had been that morning but she also knew that life would carry on. She would always love Johnny but they could never work. Sometimes life is just that complicated she thought.

The End.


End file.
